Sincerely Carolina

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Things My Kids Have Taught Me.

by caroline

It's rainy, icky poo-poo here today, so I am catching up on blog updates and trying to get a lot of my computer work done. (Not much different from other days except for that when it's sunny, even the most mundane tasks seem easier!)

I'm also kind of missing my family. I am so thankful for the last week we spent in Pittsburgh. I love that city (and I love the people in it even more!), and it was such a pleasure to hang out and have some fun. It's always tough to say goodbye.

I was looking through some of my old writing work for another project on which I am working, when I came across a post from my old healthy living blog. I don't often need reminders of how much I care about my family, or the fact that I consider my younger brothers "my first kids", but this post particularly struck a chord because of how much it still rings true today.

I wrote these words three years ago, when Isaac was only 13 years old, and Luke was 15. Now, they're on the brink of earning a driver's license (Isaac) and graduating high school (Luke), and in true mini-mom style I feel that bittersweet heartache building up within my soul.

How did they grow up so fast?

Can't they just be little again?

By the way, the same feelings hold true for my sister, Amanda, but because she is only two years younger than me, we did a lot more growing together than watching one another grow. (But I'll still baby you any day, little sis'.)

I am so proud of the people they are becoming and the ones they have always been. For the record, Isaac is still my light (Hey, Care, did you know …?) — even though there is nothing "little" anymore about all 6'1" of him — and Luke is going to college to pursue the film career that was obviously budding when I wrote this post.

Gosh, they're cool.

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Lessons in Love and Coolness, written February 5, 2008

When my mother decided to have two more children after my sister and me, I don't think I could have ever been prepared to understand how much her choice would impact my life. I was nine years old when Luke was born and eleven when Isaac came into my life. At the time, I had no clue how much these two boys were about to change my world.

But for quite some time now, I have told people they are "Like my first kids." I have learned more from caring for them and fighting with them and laughing with them than I could ever put into words. Isaac, now 13 years old, is a little light, my constant, "Hey, Care, look at this!" reminder that life is so awesome.

Luke, now 15 years old, is a carbon copy of me, save for the fact that I am a girl and he is a boy. He is a book nerd almost as much as I am, and he is totally jealous that I have Post-It pens and he doesn't. But somehow he makes it all sound much cooler than I do.

They were both at my apartment for a sleepover this weekend, and while Isaac and my fiance, Dan, ran around and got goofy, Luke decided he wanted me to help him create a blog.

This kid amazes me.

His belief in himself, his thoughts, and actions are so steadfast, so unwavering. He likes rock n' roll and doesn't really care if his friends don't. He has the entire collection of Friends DVDs and knows the lines inside and out — despite the fact it is a bit before his time. He and his friends have started their own film production company, the cause to which his new blog is now devoted. And he wanted to start that blog because not only does he want to be as fabulous as me (jk!), but he also has no problems putting his thoughts out there for the world to see.

I would like to think I was that sure of myself when I was his age, but I don't think that was the case.

But here is what I understand about that notion: My mother always says (How often do I start a sentence like that? You rock, mom!) that her children have taught her way more about life than she ever could have taught them.

And I get that. But what I tell my mom she also needs to understand is that she, too, has made me who I am. I am a better person for having her as my mother.

When it comes to Luke and Isaac, I know for sure they have taught me a world of knowledge. I will raise my kids better, love my life more and move forward with more preparedness for having known the two of them.

But what I hope, too, is that I have given them pieces of myself that they can hold onto forever; lessons and love that have made them better people.

And the coolness?

Well, I would like to think I gave them a little bit of that, too. ;)

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